AXL's Posterous

November 12, 2009

I Was Just Listening To 'Two Can Play That Game' By Bobby Brown.

The lyric 'Girl think about it before you leave, Bobby's got a brand new swing,' has a whole new light on it when you think about how he beat up Whitney Houston.

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October 21, 2009

Now...

...I don't know if this makes me some kind of sicko or anything, but I was just watching 'Taken', that kidnap film with Liam Neeson in it, and there was a moment where I got genuinely excited. No, not like that, you sick fucks. See, there was a moment in the film where it actually looked like they might throw a curveball in and have a kidnap film that doesn't have a happy ending, and I was suddenly really excited to see what was going to happen.

Now of course, what happens is that the film inevitably plods along to it's clichéd and obvious ending. I don't think I'll be ruining the film for anyone by saying that. It's a kidnap film, that's just what happens.

But it made me really want to see a film that subverts that. I got excited because I thought that maybe this would be the film to do that, and it really disappointed me that it wasn't.

That makes it sound like the film is great and the ending's a real let down. This is not true. The film is pretty standard fare. It's not dreadful by any means, it's not even bad. It's okay. It's alright. There's nothing really even in the film to suggest that it would subvert your expectations. There was just a sudden mood change that I detected. It probably isn't there at all, but I saw one, and I really wish it had gone with it.

But seriously, why don't you get kidnap films with bad endings? There probably are a few, but I can't think of any. And I'd really like to see one. Call me sick, but I would love to see a kidnap flick that doesn't end all happily ever after. I think that could be really interesting.

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June 29, 2009

I Really Wish I'd Heard The Rest Of This Conversation.

The other day on my way home from Tesco, I walked past two women with pushchairs, and one of them said to the other:

"I'm not sure about that, coz with water don't you just piss it back out again? So I'm not sure about that."

I was so tempted to turn round and follow them to find out what their conversation was, but thought that would just be a bit too weird.

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May 8, 2009

At College Yesterday...

...someone said "I had a teacher at school who had a false eye, and it looked like it was glazed."
and I had an overwhelming desire to say:
"I had a teacher at school who had a false cock, and that felt like it was glazed."

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March 31, 2009

Add To Taste.

On the little sauce sachets they always put in Pot/Cup/Go/etc Noodles, they have the phrase "Add To Taste" printed on.
Do they think anyone actually bothers to sit there with their instant noodles putting in the sachet contents in bit by bit, tasting each time to make sure they have just the right amount of sauce in to get the flavour just to their liking?
No-one does that, right? That defeats the whole point of them. You don't eat a Pot Noodle to have a fantastic culinary experience. You eat it because it's instant and it's easy. And it kind of tastes nice in a "Wow this thing tastes totally gross and fake and it's obviously crap but I kinda like it anyway" way.
So to me, putting that on the sauce sachet is totally pointless.
A bit like this post.
Hell, it was bugging me, OK?
Oh, don't give me that look.

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March 10, 2009

Candyfloss.

I have never liked candyfloss. I've never really been able to properly put into words why tho. Then today, Graham Linehan put this up on his Twitter:

"Why do people like candyfloss? It's like eating a wig."

This sparked a memory in my old brain. I remember when I was 15, I bleached my hair. Now, I had to use conditioner in it every day or else it went mad. Hair all over the place like a sea anenome with tourettes. Anyway one day while I was at my Grandparents, I ran out of conditioner and my hair was insane. To combat this, I used my Grandmothers hairspray. What seemed like a really good idea fell flat due to a) The fact that I had no idea how to use hairspray, and b) This hairspray was for some sort of firm hold styling. Basically what happened was, I used too much and too little at the same time. My hair ended up looking and feeling like blonde candyfloss.
Now, to me candyfloss is unpleasant stuff anyway. It sticks to my teeth, tastes like a heart attack and feels like eating a soft brillo pad. There is nothing about candyfloss that I like, so having it on my head all day was a pretty hideous experience.

So that's why I hate candyfloss. It's like eating an old woman's hair. Yuck.

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March 1, 2009

Listenings.

Today I listened to the first 5 tracks of the new Prodigy album. Fuck me, they are shit. Why have Pendulum become some sort of benchmark of dance music? I mean that first album was a lot of fun, but seriously? And what was that lyric off track 2? Oh yeah, it's "The writing's on the wall, it won't go away, it's an omen." OK, I know that Prodigy aren't exactly a lyrics band, but Jesus wept, that is just awful.

I listened to the first 6 songs of the new Howling Bells album too. They're ok. Track 5 was fucking annoying tho, and track 2 totally rips off a riff from 'Mogwai Fear Satan'.

When we were closed, I also listened to about two-thirds of the new Grandmaster Flash album. It's a mixed bag. Some of the tracks are a bit dull, but some, track 9 in particular, are fucking awesome.

Sorry for lack of song titles. I'm too lazy at the moment to look them up.

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February 27, 2009

Someone Needs To Slap Me.

I am fast becoming one of those pathetic cock-ends who mopes around all day being miserable and saying things like "If a tree fell in a forest and it landed on me and killed me, would anyone care?" Jesus, didn't I grow out of this shit years ago already? It's alarming to find that no matter how much I have grown, I am still startlingly similar to the person I was when I was 17. Eurgh. Someone should knock some sense into me already.

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February 24, 2009

In A Dog Eat Dog World...

...what would the last dog in the world eat?

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February 23, 2009

Why Are A Fish?

How much is it's head?
Decidedly light?
Tungsten overcoat?
Delicious enough to entertain?
Little by little yip yep yup.
Grams.
Portent.
Open.
Light and damp.
Julius Caesar.
An oblong of terror.

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